My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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