dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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