i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
