I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
