Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
