Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
