Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
