if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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