I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
