oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
