I want to make a zoo with you.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
