hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
