This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
