he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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