If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
