I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
