drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
