Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
