I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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