You work out of a Hotel?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
