I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize