Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
