Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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