I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
