The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
