that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
