I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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