your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
