Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
