My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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