I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
