his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
