I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
