"it" just moved
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
