it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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