Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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