He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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