Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
