I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
