It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
