so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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