I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
