sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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