the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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