so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Is it because I queefed?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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