i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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