she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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