He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
