I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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