2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
