apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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