i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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