it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
