He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
