i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
