when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
