Plan B is the new Plan A
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
