Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize