what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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