dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
