Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I faked an abortion last night.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
smell my finger.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
