this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
