Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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