I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
