His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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