Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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