Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
