I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
