i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
