I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
