We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
