I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The maid of honor just puked.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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