I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize